Changes Chances Love Life
by GGAddict129
Summary: This basically is just a story of Rufus and Lily. It's set the night of Rufus' concert. It's the before and after of how I would have liked it, but kind of realistic. Enjoy and let me know what you think!
1. Chapter 1

**Hi all. This is a Rufus/Lily story. It's the night of the concert. Just was bored and decided to write this. I do not own anything of gossip girl. But DO lovee lovee lovee the showw! Read and Review, pleasee! 3 **

"Get out of my way, Rufus." Lily van der Woodsen said.

"No,"he replied back to me.

I took a step to the side of him, but before i could pass him he blocked me.

"Get out of my way."

"No."

Lily took at deep breath in. She looked into his eyes, expecting herself to glare and glower at him. But she didn't. She was drawn in. She swam through those eyes, took a step forward and soon enough their lips met. She had wanted this...and so did he. They kissed passionetely and after what seemed like hours...they broke apart.

"Wow. That was...unexpected," he said, repeating her words when he kissed her at Eleanor's party.

"Uhm...yeah. " Why did she feel like a silly little teenager? She was nearly 40 years old, "Rufus?"

"Yes?" He replied, slightly out of it, he couldn't believe that had just happened.

"Is it so wrong...to umm...want that to happen again?"

"I-I-I don't know, Lil...Why?Do you?"

"Yes,"

He took a step foward and kissed her again. Held her as if this was the last time they would have together.

"Rufus...come with me."

"Where? I have to do an encore."

"To...my place. AFter? Rufus, I want one night...one more night. I know its wrong, but..." he voice stopped. She didn't need to finish, it would just make her feel guilty and he knew that.

--

**Sorry to end so abrubtly but I wanted you to want more and be left in the dark. Tell me what you think and let me know if I should continue. **


	2. What hurts the most

"Get out of my way, Rufus." Lily van der Woodsen said.

"No,"he replied back to me.

I took a step to the side of him, but before i could pass him he blocked me.

"Get out of my way."

"No."

Lily took at deep breath in. She looked into his eyes, expecting herself to glare and glower at him. But she didn't. She was drawn in. She swam through those eyes, took a step forward and soon enough their lips met. She had wanted this...and so did he. They kissed passionetely and after what seemed like hours...they broke apart.

"Wow. That was...unexpected," he said, repeating her words when he kissed her at Eleanor's party.

"Uhm...yeah. " Why did she feel like a silly little teenager? She was nearly 40 years old, "Rufus?"

"Yes?" He replied, slightly out of it, he couldn't believe that had just happened.

"Is it so wrong...to umm...want that to happen again?"

"I-I-I don't know, Lil...Why?Do you?"

"Yes,"

He took a step foward and kissed her again. Held her as if this was the last time they would have together.

"Rufus...come with me."

"Where? I have to do an encore."

"To...my place. AFter? Rufus, I want one night...one more night. I know its wrong, but..." he voice stopped. She didn't need to finish, it would just make her feel guilty and he knew that.

--

"Lily..." his voice trailed. this was hard. Yes, he wanted her. But it was wrong. So wrong. It would hurt so many people. Dan, Serena, Eric, Jenny, Bart, Lily's mom, rufus thought about Cece with a laugh. it was her fault this it how it was..."No. I can't, Lily."

Lily was stunned and hurt. She had to bite her trembling lip to keep the tears from pouring out of her eyes.

"Ohh? why not?" she asked. She couldn't possibly read him. His face was blank, bleak. His eyes were cold. He wasn't smiling, but wasn't frowning. His mouth..those beautiful lips she longed for, were in a line.

"I don't want to be some one time thing. As much as I care about you, I'm not getting hurt when you're just gonna' go back to Bart. Lily, I've done alot of things for you, risked alot, but maybe...maybe it really isn't meant to be. Look at all the obstacles we've had..."

Lily couldn't believe this.

"Obstacles? You think that because there were problems in our relationship we shouldn't be together? That's what we're supposed to be. Rufus, if there weren't any problems in life there would be nothing for us to do..." she stopped. She had to get away. She thought thinks would have been different. "Maybe you're right. Maybe we were just fooling ourselves...Maybe it's a childish wish to think soul mates exist, maybe it's not enough. Not enough for you. Not enough for me," she laughed an insane laugh then, trying to make sense of it all. She loved him. Wasn't it as simple as that? Why was he turning down there last chance together.

As if he read her thoughts he replied to her, " Lily, you know I loved you," He said loved. As it past tense, normally she wouldn't have noticed but here, this day she hung on desperately to his words. Hopng she would see a flicker of what he was saying. Somethign to tell her it was a lie, "but you were right when you said we don't know eachother anymore. I really don't think you should risk you're marriage for something not worth it."

Ugh, what was he saying, she thought. Lily Van der Woodsen was not one to let her emotions show, no matter how much she hurt. She had learned how to hide her feelings when she was young, dating Rufus. No even before that, just living with her mother made her have to pretend. Pretend to be something she wasn't. She wouldn't let him know how much this hurt.

"Okay. Well, I think you're right," she said calmly even though on the contrary she felt like screaming into the dark night,"we are different. I think we both just wanted to believe and just thought there was something there still. The fire's out. Well, I should probably go. Have a nice life Rufus," she replied as she started to walk away.

Now, it was Rufus's turn to be in awe. He knew it was right, but hadn't thought it would come as such a blow for her to say those things to her. to really not care, it seemed.

Lily walked away not looking back. She knew that if she did, she would scream to him how much she loved him. She didn't want to see her crying so she walked thinking all the time of a song she had heard on the radion earlier that day. In fact, Rufus was thinking of the same song as he walked away. Gingerly, Lily suddely turned to see if he was standing there, but he was walking away.

_What hurts the most_

_Was being so close_

_having so much to say_

_watching you walk away. _

_Never knowing _

_what could have been_

_not seeing that lovin' you _

_That's what I was tryin' to do. _

_--_


	3. Big Girls don't cry

_--_

He still hadn't called. She had expected he would change his mind, and call before the wedding How could she be nothing to him? Lily sat on her penthouse couch alone. Tears, she didn't even know how she could have any left after how much she cried. Bart was out, preparing, thank god or he would ask questions as to why she was so upset and how could she possibly explain that the man she loved didn 't want her, when she claimed to love Bart. And she did, she really did, just not in the exhilarating, 'i wanna' be with you for the rest of my life" way she loved Rufus. Lily wasn't someone to sit around and cry, never had she done that, but why was she suddenly weak at the knees?

Serena opened her door, it was 10 o'clock in the morning and she hadn't slept well at all. She'd heard her mom crying and as much as she sometimes couldn't stand her mom at all, she also couldn't bare hearing her mother that upset. Never, not even when she had been through her 3 divorces, had she cried that much. Serena hadn't even known she COULD cry that much. She had been crying all night, ever since the concert.

"Mom?" called Serena as she wearily edged into the living room, where her mother was sitting. She had a pretty good idea where all this emotion was coming from.

Lily looked up. She'd forgotten anyone on this earth existed. Quickly she tried to wipe away the tears, but it did no good, Serena saw, not to mention the redness under her eyes was horrible.

"Yes?" Lily replied, putting on a smile, praying Serena hadn't realized she was crying

"Mom, cut the act,"

"Serena, what act?"

N

"You've been crying all night. You think that cause you rub your eyes I'm not gonna' know you're upset?"

"I'm not upset," Lily answered simply. Serena didn't need an explanation. It was HER life and Serena didn't need to know everything.

Serena glowered at Lily, but Lil's smile did not flicker.

So, Serena spoke, "What's the matter?"

"Nothing. Really. Just pre-wedding jitters." she replied reassuringly.

"Mom, instead of hiding behind that fake smile of yours, why don't you tell me what's wrong? Oh, wait. That's asking to much from my mother. The person who's supposed to be my example, yet she can't even tell me what has her pouring her eyes out. You know what, I don't get it, Mom."

"You don't need to get it, Serena. It's none of your business."

"Yes it is my business. You're my MOTHER and I think you frequently forget that. You aren't some teenager...Mother, you've been different lately. And I'm not talking about you crying your eyes out. You've been, "Serena paused searching for the right word, "brighter...ever since Rufus..."

"STOP!" She didn't want to talk about Rufus. It hurt, her stomach dropped and those stupid butterflies came back,"I'm getting married today. I don't need to look upset and I really need to start getting ready."

"Mom, just tell me what's wrong..." serena pleaded.

"No. I've got to go. It's none of your business." She stomped out the door. She needed a breather.

Serena was right. She was different. But what right did Serena have to tell her what to do?

_She's your daughter. She cares. _

Ugh, why was life so...confusing? She wanted to let Serena in, but how could she. If she told Serena, serena would either tell her she was being crazy and flip out or break up with Dan. Serena claimed that she was head-over-heels in love and she should get what I didn't get. A chance.

So then and there, she stopped crying. Big girls don't cry she thought...funnily enough as she got into her car to take a drive to clear her head the song by fergie came on.

_And I'm gonna' miss you like a child misses their blanket_

_But I've gotta' get a move on with my life. _

_It's time to be a big girl now, and big girls don't cry._

--

Chapter 4: One more time!

4 hours till the wedding. He was invited, so was Dan. Should he go?

Rufus sat in his bed. He couldn't believe he had turned down, Lily. But he couldn't be used for one night, not by her. Twenty minutes ticked by when e decided to go see Lily. He HAD to see her.

He got up, dressed quickly, and headed over to the Palace.

_Knock Knock. _

Lily Van der Woodsen was getting married in a 3 and a half hours. Who could possibly be bothering her? She had to get ready. She crossed silently to the door, annoyance etched on her face and opened it, only to see a shocking candidate there.

"Rufus?" She questioned. She couldn't believe he was here, "Get the hell out. You made it perfectly clear that you didn't want anything to do with me anymore and I have a wedding to prepare for."

"Lil, I know I have no right whatsoever to be here..." he replied, but was interupted.

"You've got that right."

"Could you please listen?"

"Rufus, I-I don't know what to say, no there's nothing left to s..." she wasnt able to finish her sentance. Before she knew it he had thrust his lips upon hers and she surrended. Together, they stumbled into the bedroom and come on boys and girls, you know what happened next ;)

--


End file.
